| Crack. |
[13 Jan 2006|06:52am] |
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mood |
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 restless |
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music |
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Swiss army romance |
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Each time i update this thing it seems im smoking a different kind of crack i swear. I read back and i dont even know what-the-fuck im saying. Since then ive met a few good friends. And im really happy about that. I'm no longer lonely..only because that feeling is completly numb to me. Anything of that sort is numb to me. I miss the old Cindy...I miss feeling happy in a guys arms. Ew. No i dont.
Girls appeal to me more than guys right now. Only because theyre different.
I currently stoped talking to this guy whom i was interested in ..and he gave me an impression he liked me..but hardly spoke to me and whenever i called him..he had an excuse not to pick up. He even stood me up when i wanted to meet him. Oh well...Im still trying to get over it..its been about a week.
College starting soon.
Oh yea. Someone who reads my LJ. I read your last entry and it was interesting. Im not trying to analyze you hun. I just know the truth when i SEE IT. OMG. You just obviously STATE these things..its not like im analyzing it. People like you end up alone or un happy.You say "Yea im a bitch and im going to keep being one" I was there to be your friend one day..now i have no respect for you.
Oh the hardships on being myself.
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[05 Nov 2005|07:44pm] |
You know why im emotionless?
People,yep thats right im blaming people.
You know why?
Because nothing is ever good enough for them. Most people want what they cant have. And what they already have,they ignore it,reject it,walk all over it,dont care for it. People are selfish and yet. They end up bitching about there own life?I just dont get it. How i would kill for what most people have.
Hmph. I think im the most thoughtfull person.
Nowadays though. One mistake..you could be out of my life forever..and im sorry for that. And no,im not full of myself.
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| *Blink* Hi |
[25 Oct 2005|03:19pm] |
So a update to my live journal,that isnt so "live". Its still here though. I read the last journal entry..and it makes me sad. I have changed alot. I did come independent but i still crave for that slight attention in the affection department. I feel like im growing up. But still my heart ways me down into my immaturity days,i become weak and stupid. I learned alot these past years and hopefully make me prepared for my "future". I cant wait for college. Crushes suck. People who have crushes on you and you dont back suck. And..my bisexual side is fighting off my straight side. But i still think girls can reject me as much as guys. So im equally screwed. Ah well one day..i will have that someone. For now..im okay and safe being single. But im suddenly depressed in a way..that my friends annoying me when they try to talk to me..cause i no longer feel like talking to me :( thats wrong..i know..but its just something im going through.
Ah ..my mind is crazy. My heart..is another story.
The fire burns inside..and my heart is frozen.
Oh,and i have a few friends on live journal..leave a comment please :)
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[13 Oct 2004|11:53am] |
Ah..please dont read this is you dont care about me..dont use this against me either.Im here to just put everything out.
Wheres my fun?
wheres my friends?
i dont get it anymore
my main goal right now is being independant but i hate the people who said they were my friends and dont even want to see me anymore. Friends are overrated.
Im not going to complain about it anymore.
I think i found that person to be by my side hes been a really good friend of mine for years...and i just recently talked to him..he lives semi far away but nothing we cant work out. I always felt something towards him because hes such a great person
Haha what a coicidence he just signed on as i spoke about him
I need to smile..i need to laugh..i need to have fun. i really do..or ill become this zombie depressed person that i dont want to fall into because its very hard to get out of.
I have a bad feeling in my gut and i just want to feel better..and have that one person that warms my heart ya know?
Everyone has personal feelings...i decide to put it out to the public *shrugs*
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| And so nothing ever changes. |
[05 Oct 2004|10:10pm] |
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mood |
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 distressed |
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music |
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Bush-Glycerine |
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Yesterday i was talking to some dude online..this dude lives in cali and seems like a very sweet guy. And he asked the question " so how you been?" and i said " the same as last time youve talked to me"
i find myself lost...in my own self.
I find myself alone...and not caring anymore,because even if i did care nothing ever happens. I dont have friends,even though they say they are..where are they when im depressed? where are they when i cry to them? Its official. i dont have any friends. Time to be independent cindy..time to be alone. Thats what i tell myself. Lately all ive been doing is sleeping..i find no reason to get out of bed. I dont ask for much,maybe for people to be there for me..looking like they care. But nope.
Its getting colder and colder out..and ill ive been going is hypernating under my blankets not facing reality of it all..just dealing with it..by sleeping.
This is getting real pathetic. No im not sad,im realived everything is over with the bad. out with the bad in with the new right? well where is the new? im confused ,because im a good person..i dont know why it amount to this.People never notice crap,nor do they want to notice anything. Im just the girl..that everyone walks past and knows NOTHING about. Will i ever be noticed?
Ps. This isnt my pathetic attempt to get attention...just leave me the fuck alone if you dont have anything good to say.
Must be your skin that I’m sinking in
Must be for real cos now I can feel
And I didn’t mind
It’s not my kind
Not my time to wonder why
Everything’s gone white
And everything’s grey
Now you’re here now you’re away
I don’t want this
Remember that
I’ll never forget where you’re at
Don’t let the days go by
Glycerine
I’m never alone
I’m alone all the time
Are you at one
Or do you lie
We live in a wheel
Where everyone steals
But when we rise it’s like strwaberry fields
I treated you bad
You bruise my face
Couldn’t love you more
You got a beautiful taste
Don’t let the days go by
Could have been easier on you
I couldn’t change though I wanted to
Could have been easier by three
Our old friend fear and you and me
Glycerine (repeat)
Don’t let the days go by
Glycerine
I needed you more
When we wanted us less
I could not kiss just regress
It might just be
Clear simple and plain
That’s just fine
That’s just one of my names
Don’t let the days go by
Could’ve been easier on you
Glycerine
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| Everything is going down.. |
[24 Sep 2004|02:21am] |
this is my first real entry..im updating it cause i know not many people read it. Or even pay attention to it.
I find my self in the same situation as i was at 14. Broken,alone and no one noticing what im going through. I thought i had real friends i never doubt that they care or anything,but it seems asthough if they get a girlfriend or are occupied with something else or even if there not busy at all! they arent there for me even if im going through a life trama..
Im an emotional person..maybe only because i feel as if no one is there for me. If someone is..i appreciate it VERY VERY VERY VERY much.And probably would be happy,no matter what problems i have.
But lately i feel like...im left alone.
Maybe i shouldnt depend on friends being there for me.
I dont want to sound selfish..but i think its time to think about myself for a change since ive been going through so much stress and problems through these past months
Another thing.. Even though i try so hard to be there for someone..and stay with that someone and would do anything for that someone no matter what problems we have i stayed by his side no matter how hurt i am. And i noticed it wouldnt matter if im going through hell im not looking for pity what im looking for is support maybe and arm over my shoulder telling me everything will be okay. But rather he would try to keep his distants from me as much as he can.You know a little call wouldnt hurt even if its for 1 minute.
If you are my friend or even best friend,Prove it! I dont tolerate this shit anymore.
*sighs* i just want everything to be okay again i love my friends dearly..
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| I dont like LiveJournal |
[24 Aug 2004|05:01am] |
But im updating! because i didnt make a real update here yet!
and i linked my journal wrong..but if you really wanted my real journal..you could of figured it out yourself :P
anyway you people better leave comments on here if you read this!
and ...its 5am right now..and im missing eric...and i wondering what hes dreaming about right now.hmmmm oh well maybe i should force myself to sleep
laterzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
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| Erm |
[23 Mar 2004|07:50am] |
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Im trying to make my layout....im new to LJ...and i came from xanga but xanga causes problems :X so if anyone out there wants to help me with my layout please leave a comment or something or mail or IM me at bitemeubloodyelf@aol.com
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fairy_monkey's journal